the soulmates you never meet
as illustrated by me + pico iyer
The first Pico Iyer book I read was Falling off the Map, in 2020 (the year I learned how to read again)(I bet you’ll never guess what about that year made it a good one for learning to read again). I was still living in Galway at the time, but was staying at my friend’s house for a few days while visiting the village where I’d first lived in Ireland. I think it was my first time getting to go back down from Galway since all the lockdowns started. My friend wasn’t there at the time (he splits his time between the village and the states), and people were still taking it pretty easy with socializing, so I had a lot of free time. I had forgotten to bring any books down with me, so I looked through all the books he had in the house and settled on that one to keep me company.
(hello, this is a separate section of the newsletter. I am, for now, calling it “The Weekly Narcissist”. It may or may not be weekly, but it will probably be more frequent than the main newsletter (which will probably just be monthly ish?), and thus I am including this disclaimer to let you know that if that is TOO MUCH for your inbox, you can unsubscribe from just this section! and I will not mind. or even notice, actually. I don’t know where to see who subscribes to what and I’m blissful in my ignorance. overall, I think the vibe will be more personal-blog-gy? just the extra stuff for when I have toooo much to say in a month. really, thus far it seems like I’m picking what I feel like are the more half-baked thoughts to put in this section, but also like I’m picking at random. so maybe you will miss out on something great if you unsubscribe. it’s all part of the game.)
Pico (we’re on a first name basis) is a travel writer, and the subtitle of this book was “Some Lonely Places of the World”. I’ve never had much interest in travel writing, but this book really hooked me, and I devoured it. He writes about lonely places - “Some are born to isolation, some have isolation thrust upon them” - places like North Korea, Argentina, and Bhutan. Pico has this way of writing rich with humor and compassion that made me fall immediately in love with him, and combining that with the bits of personal information he divulged, I became convinced that he is one of my soulmates in life. A kindred spirit kind of thing.
Sometimes, I decide that things are magical. This was one of those things. I decided that it was magic that I had decided to read this book out of all the books in my friend's house - that I was guided to it. And so, even though I was so completely in love with Pico and his writing, I did not seek out another book by him - I decided I had to wait to be lead to one.
I didn’t come across the next Pico book for another couple years - not until I was living in Texas minding my best friend’s babies full time in 2022. I came across it when the big used book store on Main Street was closing and they had a day where you could come and take as many books as you could carry away from their remaining stock for free. This one was The Man within My Head - a book about the uncanny closeness that Pico has always felt with the writer Graham Greene. It blew my mind that MY soulmate author had written a book about HIS soulmate author. This obviously deepened the kindred spirit-ness of it all.
Another part of this magic that I had decided on was that I couldn’t actually keep any of my Pico books. I had to pass them on very intentionally - keeping the magic moving. I held on to The Man within My Head for another two years, until Zola’s friend came down to stay with us for a bit over the summer last year. We were all sitting around in the living room having ice cream and going through the 36 questions that *science* has determined will make you fall in love if you answer them all and then make eye contact for x amount of time (yes, we are of course all in love now) (he does read this newsletter, and if he gets to this point and sends a message into the group chat denying said love, I’ll disown him). I think Pico came up in my answer to the first question - “Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?” This led to the revelation that our friend also had a fondness for Pico, which led to me sending him home with my copy of The Man within My Head, and him leading me to my next Pico book - The Lady and the Monk (requesting this book from the library was how I learned of the magic of interlibrary loans. did you know if the library doesn’t have the book you want, they will get that book for you from another library??? or sometimes they’ll just buy a copy and then you get to be the very first one to borrow it. it’s amazing).
The Lady and the Monk is about a year spent in Kyoto pursuing Zen Buddhism, but it’s also a love story after my own heart. The relationship Pico describes in this book made me upset with him for the first time - but only because I could relate to it too much, despite my best efforts to think and behave otherwise.
My next Pico book came to me much more quickly - I came across it after selling a handful of books at a used bookstore in town. I’ve been on a strict book-buying ban (mostly strict. there are always exceptions) for a few years now (even though there are exceptions, it’s gone remarkably well. I think I can still count all the books I’ve bought in the last few years on my fingers), but I told myself that if I came back to the bookstore (and I knew it would be a while before that happened, as it’s in a location that’s a bit awkward to get to for those without a car) and it was still there, it was definitely meant to be my next Pico book. I didn’t make it back again for months, but when I did, it was still there, so The Open Road: The Global Journey of the Fourteenth Dalai Lama came home with me at the beginning of this year. I just finished it, and have of course fallen further in love with the author (and a little bit with the Dalai Lama as well).
I think the thing that strikes me the most about Pico’s writing every time is the compassion. Whenever he writes about the places he’s been, or the people he’s with, I get the sense that he prioritizes being intentional about taking the time and space to see and understand them to the best of his ability. It feels like a gift he gives them for the honor of their time. I think he has a true talent for experiencing and representing the way the self and the other are mirrors of each other.
I’m much more tempted to keep this book than I was to keep the last one that I owned. It might be a while until I figure out where the magic is supposed to go to next though, so that’s some comfort. I might even be able to reread it between now and then.
Spells are made of love, love is magic, magic is real, and soulmates are everywhere.
artistic research for a holistic practice
flowers, always flowers
presence in community
SUNSHINE
play
bits and bobs
you will all be pleased to know that I think my artistic crisis was actually just hormones! my hormones are trying to kill me. which is less pleasing information. and also, I still feel very self conscious about my show going up (SO SOON GOOD LORD) and being perceived. but it’s not a CRISIS anymore.
speaking of the show, here is progress! it is almost ready. we’re so close. home stretch. after this is done I am never going to have another solo show again as long as I live.
zola recently abandoned me for a whole 12 days. I was very lonely at home. now she is back and all is well. aside from my hormones, which are still technically misbehaving. but she tethers me to reality and that is nice.
I went into my notes app to try and find something I know I wanted to include here and instead found a note that says “I do not have to choose suffering??” so I’m actually just going to end with that.
xoxo,
the mindful narcissist
I think this is a sign to grab the pico iyer book if i see it in a tiny library.