these are the reasons I like not having a car

a list to remind myself, in the midst of great inconvenience, why I like not having a car

a magical bit of sky - something I would probably notice a lot less if I had a car

I have not owned a car since I moved to Ireland in 2017. When I moved to Texas in 2021 to nanny my best friend’s babies, I just shared their cars the whole time I lived there. Then I moved to Missoula in 2023, and Missoula is maybe one of the best cities to not have a car. I live across the street from the main downtown area, a five minute walk from the bus transfer center - where ALL THE BUSES ARE FREE. The community and local government fund a zero-fare bus system. It is incredible and I cannot believe that not everyone I know takes advantage of it all the time. Living downtown also means I’m within walking distance of most places I need to go. When I need to get out of town, I fly or rent a car. For the most part, not owning a car does not feel like it affects my life at all. This kind of lifestyle is a big reason I wanted to go to Europe for grad school. I’ve chosen to continue living like this on purpose.

BUT.

I just wrapped up a wood fire class with the clay studio where I work, and the kiln site is a good drive away from the studio. This means that my (very generous and nice and accommodating) classmates had to drive me to and from the kiln for prep and loading days and firing shifts, and transport my work for me (typing this out has reminded me that I will also need to arrange a lift to the kiln site for the unloading and cleaning days and transporting my work back into town. curses). While arranging these rides the other week, I had two fun-sized panic attacks. It turns out I’m not as far along as I thought in my journey of learning to accept that sometimes, I have to ask for help and rely on others.

After this whole ordeal, I spent a good bit of time resenting not having gotten myself a car by now. Describing this whole ordeal also made a lot of people ask me why I haven’t prioritized getting myself a car by now (rude) (however, it also made a lot of people assure me that I could borrow their cars any time I needed, which was very sweet).

I know that I don’t actually want a car though!!! And this is a non-exhaustive list in no particular order of reasons why:

1. I think about time differently

   The pace of life and concept of time make more sense to me when time is the distance my feet can take me. This is something that really hit me while I was living in Ireland, which kicked off my whole time obsession that has led to the body of work I’ve been developing for several years now. I missed that sense of time while I was living in Texas, and I’ve been really happy to return to it in Missoula.

   (side note: my friend Harrison Schmitt co-authored an article titled “Time-Space Distanciation as a Decolonizing Framework for Psychology” and back in the olden podcast days I had him on and we chatted about the reification and capitalist/colonialist production of space and time and ways for decolonising space and time through denaturalisation, indigenisation, and accompaniment, and it was really great and I’m not going to link the podcast episode because it just feels like a past thing now but if you find it, please enjoy me sounding way less intelligent than Harrison. You should read the article though.)

2. It helps me abandon urgency

   When my options for getting around town are relying on my feet, the bus, or a friend giving me a lift, there’s only so much I can do to control the speed with which I get to my destination. This means that I try to give myself a generous time buffer getting places. I generally arrive quite early, but if I’m late, there usually isn’t much within reason I could have done to change that. When I have somewhere to be, I need to plan my day out really well - and even though everything takes a lot longer than it might if I had a car, I think most of the time it also leaves my days feeling much more spacious. Getting somewhere that would have been a 10 minute drive might mean planning for a 5-10 minute walk to the bus stop and a 30 minute bus ride. Rushing won’t get me there any faster, but I also can’t afford to be late leaving the house, or I’ll miss my bus. That means that I give myself a spacious amount of time to be ready to leave the house as well. When everything is so generously padded, it’s hard for me to feel short on time (which maybe is not how that would work in everyone’s brain, but it’s how it works in mine). On the flip side, the necessity for this kind of planning around getting places has also meant that I gravitate towards commitments with very loose time frames. For example, I walk to work every day, but I can basically get to the studio whenever I want, as long as it’s before noon. So my walk is never rushed.

3. I get to know the place I’m living in a way that feels more intimate

   The other day, Zola brought me to a house on the way to our favorite coffee shop to show me the snowdrops that had sprouted in their yard. You generally don’t get to notice those kinds of things from a car.

4. I consume less

   When paired with a strong resolve to avoid purchasing things online, the inconvenience of going shopping without a car can really do a lot to dissuade one from buying things that are ultimately unnecessary.

5. I have to ask for help

   Which, as previously mentioned, IS REALLY REALLY HARD FOR ME TO DO. But I believe in community more than anything else in the world, and in a strong community, we need to be able to rely on each other. Having to ask people for help when being car-less gets in the way of my ability to accomplish something on my own is good practice for the future I want to be a part of. And speaking of community, relying on public transport means that I get to share that experience with people I might never really interact with otherwise. Walking places gives me the opportunity to smile and say hi to my neighbors. I have so many more opportunities to connect with the people in my community when I have to get places without a car.

6. The obvious reasons

   Do you know how much money I save not making car payments or paying for insurance or gas or car maintenance? I don’t either, but I imagine it’s a lot. Not having a car makes it a lot easier to be able to afford working for a non-profit (a famously lucrative field of work).

Okay there we go. Do you feel convinced? I feel convinced. I DO NOT NEED A CAR.

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Bits and bobs:

• I actually mostly just want to share all the pictures I’ve been taking and not sharing. I have started to miss the ease of sharing things on instagram.

This week it has been very warm. There is, of course, more snow in the future (Montana spring). But these were from the last big snow a few weeks ago.

I have been setting up Outside Office at work whenever it’s sunny. I have also been getting sunburnt.

life is full and happy despite my lack of car; connection is abundant

• I poured boiling water into my mouth on accident last night. I was testing the pasta to see if it was cooked and I had drained the water out of the spoon but there was more hiding in the pasta cracks. The underside of my tongue is burned quite badly. 10/10 would not recommend.

• I am going to write another newsletter about all the CLAY THINGS I have made so far this year. I am very excited to show them off. As per usual, every new thing I have made has been my new favorite thing I’ve ever made. Working with clay again and the awareness that I am about to have a public showing of my work for basically the first time since grad school have also had me in a months-long crisis about my practice. But that’s probably good for me. I’ll write about that too.

xoxo,

the mindful narcissist